I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
