im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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