you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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