Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
