You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
