I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Barsexuality is the new black.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
