My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
4 words: hood of his car
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
