dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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