i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
