I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
