You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
