please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
