you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
