hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
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how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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