Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
