Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
