I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Someone shattered a urinal.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
