I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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