We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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