I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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