How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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