dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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