We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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