My Higher Power is John Stamos
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
