so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
