physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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