Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Even my vagina gasped.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
