do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
