I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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