but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
