Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
