We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
