I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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