Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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