Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
