I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
