I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My day in three words: secret purse cake
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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