she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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