I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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