i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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