i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
