I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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