he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
