I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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