I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
