My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
