O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
