There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
