I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
