i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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