i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
