I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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