i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
