i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My hand turned me down
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
