Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
