My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
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I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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