i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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