First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
