Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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