Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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