Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
