just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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