i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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