I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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