i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
