You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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