when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
