So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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